How are you? I've found it hard to think, read, sleep and even talk sometimes the past few days. For those of us with trauma histories, the current situation is pushing all our buttons. Why? Because trauma once threatened our sense of safety and control in the world, and now, it's happening all over again.…Read more Be Ok
CPTSD
Ziji
Ziji: Buddhist concept of the shining light of divine radiance The building was a layer cake of sheer chaos, divided by shattered windows, narrow stairwells and screaming. You won't find anything sweet like frosting here. She pulled me into the mailroom with desperate urgency which I can't stand first thing in the morning. It was…Read more Ziji
Sweet Nothing
The Gum Wall (do not chew on this) Say a word for Jimmy Brown He ain't got nothing at all -Sweet Nuthin' Velvet Underground We need fantasy to survive because reality's too difficult.- Lady Gaga PTSD turned 40 this year but it's still acting like a teenager; defiant, cliquey, hormonal and a little bit selfish.…Read more Sweet Nothing
Debated Devotion
God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward they receive the crown of life that god had promised to those who love him. -James 1:12 Thanks for sharing these babe. I think James was a sadist and sometimes his book is used as propaganda to fuel Christian codependence, the exploitation of poor and…Read more Debated Devotion
Behind a Glass Wall
Dreams are deferred for all kinds of reasons; historical oppression, systemic greed, lack of resources, confidence, trust, motivation, sleep. At various points in my life I’ve assumed certain comforts and goals were unattainable for people like me; poor and spoiled. Not the ‘silver spoon in mouth’ kind of spoiled, but the rotten egg, inherently worthless,…Read more Behind a Glass Wall
The Good Fight
"Forgive m'lady but you don't get it. You're brought up to think it's all within your grasp. That if you want something enough it will come to you. We're not like that. We don't think our dreams are bound to come true because they almost never do."-Downton Abbey Servant Do not throw in the towel…Read more The Good Fight
Post-Traumatic Propaghandi
No, it's not a song, though, as usual this over chewed thought was inspired by music. In spite of everything, or maybe because of it, I love to sing and dance. (I like their name and some of their lyrics but don't like loud, fast, vegan punk rock, in general.) Quick aside: I'm sorry for…Read more Post-Traumatic Propaghandi
Hum
Mute meant obedience All it really meant was cold compliance Dissociation was a welcomed relief where inconvenient rage, terror and consequence should have rightly taken their place Amidst intolerable offense Your lack of accountability is intolerable But what's left To rage against? Hollow egos incapable of bearing the weight of their own shame? Broken brittle…Read more Hum
Memento
Calcified carcass Abandoned by the body An amorphous sucker One born Every day Buried under water weight And all she ate When they were still Attached at the hip Descending deeper down By relentless dictation Of her Mother's illusive light She's empty Fractured Concave Hollow An irregular mathematical miracle Who'll collect dust Mute memento Decorating…Read more Memento
Signs
Rolling Stone wanted to know why a certain song Dylan wrote was covered by everyone. I knew my answer without reading their explanation. It was the only authentic witness I'd ever given, until I wrote my book. If you know what a witness is, hey. If not, welcome. It's your redemption story, followed by a…Read more Signs
Born in Providence 