Don’t settle.

Beggars can’t be choosers.

Ignoring your needs is self-abandonment.

You are worthy.

You are enough.

10000 Ways to Improve Yourself

Be grateful for what you have.

Don’t let complacency steal your dreams.

Or, my current personal favorite:

How are we supposed to recognize that a mattress on the floor is a red flag if sleeping on one was a real treat growing up? I know this guy was joking, and I did laugh, but it also made me go, hey man! Cause even though I’m all smart and enlightened, I’m also human and still get triggered. Also, sorry for making fun of your name…Laurent.

The internet is the ultimate tipped-hand in the card game of oppression. We see all your Ace’s and that you’ve loaded the deck and, the things you say only further reveal just how invisible we are. Frankly, I don’t wanna know how force fed goose liver tastes.

So here I am, again, compassionately, mindfully, patiently and with gratitude, calling bullshit. Namaste.

A few fun facts:

• “In the United States, the median annual income among the employed was about $43,000 in 2020.”–Nathan Yau

• “ The average household in the United States spends $61,334 a year on expenses.”- World Population Review

• I’m not a genius but basically, the average household/American person is coming up roughly 20 g’s short every year. That’s a lot.

•Meanwhile, the ten people making a living wage have all the visibility, voice, power, control and blind confidence to assume everyone thinks, feels, believes, sees, hears and lives just like they do. Or, are just existing to shine their shoes, make their coffee, take out their trash and clean their houses.

Do you know what it takes to go from living in a household that makes $4,160 annually (Not a typo. My mother was making $2 an hour before taxes working in a Tupperware factory when she was pregnant with me.) to making a living wage in this county?

Roughly twenty years of self-abandonment.

Roughly twenty years of settling for what you can afford instead of what you want.

Roughly twenty years of ignoring red flags because the safe alternatives are out of reach.

And that’s if you’re white, cis, able-bodied and straight. The finish line in the fight against discrimination remains infuriatingly elusive.

I’ll also be in debt till I’m 90 unless Biden convinces the Supreme Court that charging billions in student loan interest was kinda unfair. Idek

One final fun fact, only between 4-17% of Americans ever get and stay out of deep poverty. These are my people, minus rags to riches actors, models, pop stars and pro athletes. We grew up witnessing community violence, lived in condemned apartments, slept on floors or shared beds, wore used clothes, sometimes or often, had nothing to eat and do not have time or resources to waste on luxuries like sleep, daydreaming or romancing our morning routines. That’s not our whole story, but a few defining features that distinguish us from folks who never felt out of place walking into a Whole Foods or sitting in a board meeting; emphasis on board.

All that to say, messaging from dominant culture is a long, exhausting insult of mixed messages. Telling us to do better, be brave, and do hard things when you’re twenty grand plus trust funds and nepotism ahead is demoralizing at best. Especially when you determine the wages, rules and regulations. You’re systematically betting against us every time and winning according to your shallow definitions. Even dogs know the difference between a clean, cloud mattress and a slab of dirty foam. We’re not stupid or unworthy. We just have less money.

I didn’t want to engage in self-abuse, abandonment or betrayal. No one wants to settle. That’s survival. Getting up and out requires a level of grind I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. We’re all designed for more.~