Surrender, surrender, but don’t give yourself away- Cheap Trick

I surrender all to you-Hymn

Be transformed by the renewal-Romans 12

Give me your heart-Proverbs 23

For the past five years I’ve traded in resolutions for intentions. Resolutions always seem to fizzle out shortly after the epiphany, or the realization that we’ve set a goal for ourselves that requires us to transform in order to receive whatever it is we want to acquire. For example, we can’t just give our body to a personal trainer and tell them to return it once it has abs and 14% body fat. We have to actually eat vegetables. Ugh. Does carrot cake count?

Similar to my devotions, where a word serves as my daily spot, I’ve listened for an expression to guide me throughout the year; a kind of umbrella to stand under in the event that it rains, or as more befitting for the past three years, pours. Pandemic fatigue, anyone?

My intention for the past year has been Cherish and I’m grateful to report that the gift of this prayer has been revealed in too many ways to summarize here. As with last year’s testimony, tomorrow morning’s devotion affirms it best. Never doubt how loved we are and how empowered we are to restore our world back to wholeness.

No matter how I’ve prayed; scared, desperate, angry, hopeful, anxious, exhausted, ashamed, worried, grateful, frustrated, amazed- he’s shown me a way through and essentially ensured I’ve always had everything I needed. Sometimes I still fight with him about why food, shelter, clothes and basic personal safety were considered…negotiable? …but when I stand back and really take in all he’s done, I just look up and say I love you. I don’t blame god for injustice. Another battle, another blog.

However you name it, there’s an undeniable creative force orchestrating this universe we’re breathing in and it’s hard not to be utterly humbled and mostly, completely amazed. It’s the personal touches, signs, winks, synchronicities, that really get me. Living mindfully, whether I’m a head to toe wretch or comfortably complacent, has kept me attuned to the lifelong conversation. In other words, whatever’s going on here, I’m paying attention.

This year, despite being slightly terrified because I’m only human, I was compelled to choose Surrender. Oprah has shared many times that she once ran around a track (at a weight loss clinic but she called it something else) singing I surrender all just before landing the part of Miss Sophia in The Color Purple; a part she’d yearned to play. She’d never once acted but knew with her whole soul she simply had to play this part. She’d auditioned and kept hearing no. So, instead of fighting or forcing, she made the very conscious choice to surrender. As she was singing, an attendant from the clinic came out to her on the track (I’m 99% sure it was also snowing) and told her Steven Spielberg was on the phone. Lay it down. As an added bonus, the producers also told her to stop losing weight immediately so on her way home she got a DQ to celebrate.

I thought I wanted to publish a book. Have an unbroken union. Maybe raise a puppy and be its mum for the duration of its hopefully long, happy, furry life; or not? I could go either way on owning a home or seeing the world. I have, however, acquired a Pottery Barn sofa and chair! And many other facets of life I thank god for every morning. Maybe I’m good. Maybe that’s enough. It’s not that I’ve ever wanted stuff, really. I’ve spent more time praying for things to not happen. Like, please don’t let me die or help. It’s something about this tension between our free will and providence, our efficacy and the worlds inequality. Which goals are too big, which are too small, and what’s that fine line between maximizing the gift of our potential and practicing humility?

I don’t know, therefore-I surrender.

Cheers to you and this next adventure xo

Any goals, vision boards, hopes or intentions for 2023?