I remember sitting here

Staring at the mirror

across the room

Looking for you

Every step above my head

Scanning the silence for your next move

The carpet would groan

Followed by cursing that came in waves

Like the ones you’d caught

That weekend we were happy

And I believed you loved me

Or was it my couch

From grounding stone

To battering ram

Mistaking immobility for indifference

Because your paranoia placed me in the projection of every nightmare you’d ever survived

In spite of all I’d done to convince your demons I was not the monster they needed me to be

From once upon a time

To form 75…O

I told you, I can’t be your darkness

And here I was

Desperately searching the walls for your shadow

Not once did I consider calling for help

Barricading myself in my own home

To protect

Not me

But you

When I finally returned

Everything as frozen

The ground

My feelings

Body

Mind

It wasn’t til Spring

After time

In the warmth of the Son

Melted

Water water everywhere

But not a drop to drink

Waves catch me off guard now

All hours of everyday and

Sleepless night

Most of which is spent

sitting here

Staring at the mirror

across the room

Looking for you~