Miracles surface when we keep going and humbly surrender to this bizarre experience called life. Less becomes plenty. Chaos transforms into peace. Unfathomable pain is cured. Questions answer themselves and one day there’s nothing left to do but look into the light and whisper ‘I wonder what will happen next.’
I wish it hadn’t taken this long to get here and yet, part of me knows transformation can’t be rushed. If someone tried telling me this a couple of years ago, I would’ve struggled to bite my tongue. My dog and marriage are dying. My job is a nightmare. The world is contaminated and once again I’m footing the entire bill. Despite the fact that I undoubtedly and routinely fought with god over the last three years, I also couldn’t stop thanking him for the ways he continuously showed up. No matter how many times I’ve lost everything, I’ve learned over and over to express preemptive gratitude because I’m still here and today is always better than yesterday.
Those born with everything, at some point, encounter a seemingly brutal ‘leaving the palace’ moment; like Buddha, Jesus, Job, CEO’s, nobodies, we’re all confronted with the flaws of humanity eventually. Parents aren’t perfect. Systems are broken. Injustice is an inter-generational trauma reflex. In so many ways, I’m glad I got front row seats. There was no where to go but up. Time I’d previously thought had been wasted being flooded by intrusive thoughts and a bullied nervous system, had actually been spent wisely, all things considered. I confronted The Nothing head on, staring into its empty face, refusing to believe the successive fountain of lies until its attempts to terrify and humiliate me into submission became boring at best. What fucking ever, you poor, pathetic devil.
All that to say, if you’ve found yourself in an ocean of hellish exhaustion, take a nap, eat some protein, slap on a collagen mask, revisit lucid dreams and keep going. Vastly infinite possibilities will greet you whenever you rise. xo