Unplanned adventure. My therapist has been challenging me to expand my definition of what it means to nourish myself at the intersection of ed recovery, pursuing my publishing dreams and living during a pandemic. We aim high. She’s amazing.

A huge part of how I got out from where I started was mastering the art of self deprivation. I learned to survive, and even look like I was thriving, on very little. Hunger for comfort, food, safety, stability, purpose, opportunity and satisfying experiences was the norm. Look but don’t touch. Don’t ask for that! Oh what a waste! I heard it all over and over. So why not skip food too and save the money, right?

Because I had limited access to being nourished by the outside world, I fed my heart, mind and soul with books, daydreams, stories, faith. Little by little I’ve learned to flip and merge the scripts. You can feed your soul and nourish your body. You can work hard and take time to rest. You can feather the heck outta your nest and the sky won’t fall. This year just threw us all for a loop.

Training people is one of the things that nourishes me, which was the original plan for today but, plans changed and so, off we went. Leaving the house feels more like homework but the universe had my back today. Found not one but two unpeopled spots by my favorite river.

Ratchet hiked for the first time since last October; made a b-line for the river and jumped in. That water is freezing but he was all for it! I get it Bubs. Carpe diem.

How do you nourish yourself? What does nourish mean to you? What messages do you need to challenge, rewrite or erase? xo

22 thoughts on “Nourished

  1. I’ve learned, to nourish, means to feed oneself those indulgent flavors of life thought too peculiar to degust or afford or too outlandish to experience by the mind and soul as well as the required purge of toxicities the world feed us to keep us set away in a silent bubble. Now, I nourish others and myself…guilt free.

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  2. Love the pics! Fall is beautiful in Oregon. Thanks for sharing your journey, E. It’s amazing what happens when we discover the magic of AND. I have so enjoyed and appreciated that discovery! My big three for feeding my soul are prayer, my daily gratitude list, and running the trails around town, particularly the river trail near my house. I love the smell of pine and juniper trees — and a dash of rosemary.

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  3. I found that society is not very giving. Oh, people can be. But even the best people are usually bound by endless repetitions of unquestioned dysfunction. I still miss people and wish that I could get a little more love from the outer world. But, I’m letting them off the hook. I’ve decided not to perform, but learn how to live, probably for the first time in my life. It doesn’t mean I’ll care less about other people. Probably just the opposite. It’s more than just setting priorities. It’s a different way of thinking. I find it odd not apologizing for who I am. But I also find something inside me relaxing. If I’m not who I want to be, then I can work on me. My self esteem still isn’t all the best. But finding my changes will likely help that.

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    • I’ll be writing a book review of The New Codependency by Melody Beattie. So much of what you said is covered in the book. !
      I hear you on wishing to be loved a little more from the outside in; we’re biological designed to first be nourished from the outside in. The idea is we pick up where our caregivers end. Huge gray area there.
      Choosing to be our authentic self instead of performing is a big relief and growth step! Love it. We are not meant to be performing apologies.
      Your inner world, based on what you share, sounds like a nourishing place to be.

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      • Yes! But it’s a gateway for me, especially with my disdain for the blind following of antiquated traditions. I’ve also turned how I try to judge people, not as much of a means of what I think of them and whether or not to personally condemn them, but as a tool to guide my own behavior. I forgive others knowing I’m a natural screw up. I’m working with my therapist on brainstorming ideas on dealing with my self esteem. I think how personally I take input has always been a challenge for me. My therapist and I have only been working together for three or four months. So we are doing a lot of chatting, relationship building. But she’s starting to come up with some real applicable suggestions. Therapy is new to me. When I was in the depths of depression, I never took care of myself. I had more dental problems than I ever had as a child. I simply didn’t take care of myself. I see society as looking at depression at a distance. People don’t want or know how to approach a person with depression. This feels counterintuitive to me. Of course my friends can’t help me with my depression. But they can help me feel less isolated. The fact that depression is so widespread is an indicator of how disconnected our society really is. A connected community reduces desperation, depression, fear, addiction, and more. The beauty of our people is when connections can be made to make that safety net that enables those who need to either find the information, structures, or specific people that can actually help them into a healthy and whole person. The more deeply healthy people there are in the world, the more there are for the rest of us to move into those realms. Probably. 🙂 Yoga helps. My therapist doesn’t diagnose me. I think that helps too.

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      • So much golden wisdom here! Wow. Yes. I especially love this: “A connected community reduces desperation, depression, fear, addiction, and more.” 100% amen.
        And I agree with moving the emphasis away from diagnosing. Focusing on connections, compassion and solutions is much more healing. I’m so happy for all the good work you’re doing. Like you said, becoming healthy, whole people paves the way for someone else. That’s what it’s all about it. 💫❤️

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  4. I can see how this was very nourishing, I feel a bit better just looking at the pictures. Travel and nature are two big ways I like to refill the old well – unfortunately, both have been a bit hard to get in these times of Covid, but photos like this and books are a good sub-in 🙂

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