The Manhattans count as gospel, by the way. Let’s just kiss and say goodbye…I don’t know if it was the lyrics or those blue suits, whatever it was, it worked. Good grief. I grieved for the last time we went for a coffee walk as a family, when Bubs still had four legs. The last time I shopped with only my usual amount of hypochondria and social phobia, instead of this brand new, cracked out version of sheer terror. I grieved for having to re-boot all my coping skills for the next time I travel again (if?), go out to eat or leave the house (I’m thinking probably never.) I grieved for essential workers, inequality and the mind stabbing infuriation of historically toxic leadership and corruption. Ugh. Cosmic nonsense. Can’t we just skip to the part where Love wins and this miserable game is finally over?! I also paused to eat 5 bites of my husband’s man n cheese. It was really good. I ended Feelings DJ time with Amens from Otis and meditated my way into a nightmare. Let’s see if we can meditate our way outta all this. What’s your status?


9 thoughts on “Status Update

  1. I would love to think that prayer and meditation and good deeds and compassion toward our fellow man would lead us to rise as a nation and conquer this scourge.
    But then there’s Agent Orange on Pennsylvania Avenue, encouraging greed and blame and lies and accusations. That’s OUR White House, by the way. It does not belong to him.
    So, me too, I can’t sleep and when I do, I suffer nightmares. The rest of the time I suffer daymares.

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    • Hugs Sharon. It’s a challenge to stay rooted in faith right now but it’s not failed me yet. Patience is maybe more scare than toilet paper these days. Does anything help you sleep?

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      • When my insomnia is bad, nothing helps. But I try to read my prayer book before I go to sleep – it’s in Hebrew so some of it is still a challenge for me and I get interested in reading correctly and trying to translate a bit and then I’m so invested that I’m wide awake again. In past I’ve been really good at nodding off in staff meetings.
        But this is different now. I have young grandchildren. Frankly I no longer care for myself, I’m 71, maybe a decade left. I care about the state of the world for my children, for everyone’s children. They deserve a better world.

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      • Sharon! Every stage of life is precious and you are a gift that grows more precious with age. Embrace it. I hear your prayer though; we’re welcoming 3 new babies and already have ten grandchildren. I’m trying to stay hopeful for their futures though I imagine that’s how many past generations felt during their darkest trials.
        I guess I just need to invite you to my next month of meetings. You can Zoom nap. ❤️

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  2. I find the real emergency in this world is the shredding forced disconnect of societies. I understand and respect the reasons. But in a period of my life when I was really breaking away from living in my past, I feel like I’m in solitary confinement. I get out for walks and to the grocery store, even walks with friends, keeping a six foot buffer. I will tell you that I’m a hugger. When this is all over, it will be crazy how I will catch up on those hugs. Straight up. It’s a blue day today for sure. I’m assuming that this is news on your puppy?

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    • Speaking as an introvert, I heartily validate your feelings of solitary confinement. I miss people and hugs too. Sorry to hear it’s a blue day for you too. This is just news in general. My puppy has become an interesting parallel of resilience; learning to live with whole parts of ourselves gone forever. He’s doing much better.

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      • Introvert, yes, me too. I have lost my amazing muse of a few years. It’s sad for me. I don’t really know how to describe it. It’s a loss that I will feel for some time. I also find myself missing another body around, you know, someone to talk with. I have a daughter in an apartment in Maine. The school she is attending closed down except for online courses. Her roommate moved back west. But she’s staying there. She’s so much like me. I worry about her. She invited me to live with her, knowing I’m jobless right now. She’s very sweet.

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      • Was your muse human or a fur baby? Either way, I’m sorry for your loss. And sorry for your job loss. My husband is also out of work. We’ll see how this month goes. It’s such wild times. I hear you on worrying about your daughter, but if she’s anything like you, trust her wisdom and intuition. Are you thinking of going to stay with her? One of my family members made a huge, brave move to stay with my parents and it seems to have been a great choice.

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      • She was a beautiful writer. I really didn’t expect anyone to pay attention to me here. But I found myself thinking night and day just how to please her, such have been my loneliness. She’s such a wild spirit. I feel like I’ve known her all my life, just walking through the woods. But I don’t understand the world very well. Subsequently, I miss things and fall into stagnant corners, thinking myself still vital, ending up alone and unwanted. My biggest accomplishment in recent years is managing GERD without medications. As you probably know, most digestive issues come with extreme emotional side effects. I still get certain episodes after drinking wine or eating anything with onions. Onion intolerance has been causing major anxiety in me for decades. I hate it. Onions are in everything. My daughter. It would be a big change for me. But my world here is so empty. It’s hard to find meaning when I have to put so much energy into just paying the bills. It probably would have been easier growing up poor over middle class. I want to get a cat but don’t want my rent to go up again.

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