The Oak Bluffs house from the attic bedroom

We laid the ground

Before the fall

Tacking soft padding

Under thin

polyester skin

A metal press

Like irons

Shoved her into quiet corners

Flaying flesh

Flushed

Insatiable hunger

Taken under ground

Palpitations

Like some bored

Proverbial bird

Enough already

Getting ready to be ready

Didn’t you hear me when I said I was tired?

Just wanted to go to bed

And not

Wake up

Craving everything

All over again

The washing, cooking, feeding, feeling

Loving

Exploring

There’s so much good

It hurts!

Your breath

On my skin

Aching

Breaks up the drudgery

I don’t care that I’m an unwashed mess in sweatpants

Cradle me under the cap of your

Shoulder these burdens

In a dizzy waltz

At the top

Of your stares

Before this darkness

And breathless spinning

Sends me crashing through

Sheetrock

CLEAR!

To the ER

I can’t breathe

(all those beeping, jumping lines, dissociating to the rafters)

Nothing those numb and faceless

Bodies

Injected me with

Sugar water and doubt

Will always pale

In comparison

Return to sender

Didn’t have to go

Away

Come back

Surrender

~

Once upon a time I fell down those stairs. This past summer I stood there again but needed a few weeks to wrap my head around it. You can’t have big thoughts when there’s …So now, I’m dissecting all the claw meatfor you.

3 thoughts on “Surrender

  1. I can’t claim that I feel your pain – only the arrogant insist they know exactly how you feel; I’ve been plenty arrogant in the past – but you made me twinge. I hope you’ve healed. And on this day so full of hope for many in the world, I wish you peace as you stand at the top of the stairs wherever they are and know that you’re safe now. Wishing you a merry Christmas, E, wishing you joy, wishing you future.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks Sharon. This was over twenty years ago. My current view is so much healthier, prettier, expansive! I don’t know why the memory or the poem came to me as it did last night and took down for a couple of hours but then decided, it is what it is. Maybe someone needs to know things can be very different.
      I wish you peace, love and joy too Sharon. Today and all the days ahead. ❤️

      Liked by 2 people

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