Over the holidays I talked with a couple of girlfriends who were heartsick over games of emotional tug of war, also known as codependence. Codependent love goes like this: Here's all the shitty, unreasonable, terrible, horrible, no good things this person did and here's all the great, rule-following, generous, responsible, hard-working, sacrificial, exhausting, never-ending, perfect things I…Read more Hey, It’s Ok
Anorexia
Hunger hurts but starving works when it costs too much to love.- Fiona Apple
Shutter
We broke into pieces slowly, like an uncovered cake drying out for weeks on a counter. I'd say the crumbling began after he'd admitted to starting the fire in our apartment. It took a while to accept it as truth given the erosion of safety I'd been avoiding most of my adult life. I'd been brave enough to examine…Read more Shutter
The Weight
He was never tasked with picking us up from anywhere and truthfully I don't remember if on this occasion, we were coming or going. What I do recall was, he couldn't see the road. Katie and Reid were oblivious in the back seat of the Isuzu looking small, bright and cute. Katie was wearing a…Read more The Weight
W.A.I.T
When the sun's in your eyes sometimes you're blinded, so it'd make sense to wait until your sight returns before doing anything. In the movie Searching for Bobby Fischer his mentor says "don't move until you see it". He was teaching him to see each match in its entirety before making a move as part of…Read more W.A.I.T
More or Less
The recipe was complex. It wasn't the product of any single ingredient; chaotic poverty, violent neighborhoods, a biological rejection of breast milk, my father's drinking, a decade of sexual abuse, ballet, track, modeling, cheerleading, gymnastics, being the smart, good, catholic girl who could babysit, clean, cook, say helpful things, the girl who got beat…Read more More or Less
up
I couldn't sleep the first night in the new apartment on Park Place. It wasn't much quieter than the projects, but I could feel we were out of that bubble now, living in the open world. I didn't know our rank here except to say we had to hide sometimes and pretend we didn't live…Read more up
Chaos and Control
My mother would be the first to point out that you could eat off my floors. But the way she would tell you was as if to mock me, as if to let you know of the drastic and rigid handicap I'm cursed with; some death-grip, psycho inability to let go. She'd monitor me at…Read more Chaos and Control
Rigid
You're never as thin as you intend to be before people begin insisting you eat more than cigarettes and black coffee. You'll also never decrease enough to satisfy the distorted images of your body in the reflections of shop windows and dressing room mirrors. Photographs might as well come with blindfolds or a razor kit.…Read more Rigid
Ripped
That was the sound my hamstring made while I was stretching after a workout. It was so loud the guy at the front desk actually came into the gym to ask what it was. It sounded like Hulk Hogan shredding his infamous yellow and red tank. I was sitting on the floor in a little…Read more Ripped
Dirty, Sticky, Mess
You chop, peel, shave, grate, exfoliate...steam, press, juice and preen. Your body is a smooth, scented, waxed surface awaiting to be frosted in fondant like a freshly baked cake, right out of the freezer...do you sincerely mean to please her? Somehow I doubt you, the label on the side of the box...interested only in getting…Read more Dirty, Sticky, Mess
Born in Providence 