Last year I decided to choose a single word intention instead of a resolution; Elevate. In spite of 2020 being kind of a nightmare, I found ways to raise my previously very low bar, set and achieve realistic goals and take the high road whenever possible. For the most part, it worked! The only minor snafu, my cortisol levels also went up.

Did you know it takes the average human body one hour to return to hormonal homeostasis after getting cut off in traffic? Now image how long it takes to recover from the adrenaline tidal wave of a pandemic. Tack on early childhood trauma, and enduring adulthood in a western capitalist society. It takes the brain 40 days to repair a single neural pathway. And that’s with lots of trial, error, sleep, sunlight, essential fatty acids, play and sugar. Neural construction workers go on strike if you overwork and under-compensate them. No wonder we’re tired.

And that’s why my word for 2021 is: Ease

Ease, as in:

Freedom from difficulty, hardship or effort.

I’m all for hard work but we shouldn’t have to open a vein and degrade our existence to meet basic needs, let alone achieve at least some sense of purpose in life. Therefore I will no longer attempt to chisel through the steel walls of social strata with a plastic spork. Sporks are very handy but I’m just gonna take more naps instead.

Freedom from financial difficulty that promotes a comfortable state.

We live in an oppressive, invisible caste so this goal is kind of hilarious. Maybe I’ll give minimalism a try. Oh wait, I’m sitting on a box as I write this cause, do you know how much chairs cost?! Whatever, we can give the lottery or a commune a try.

The condition of being comfortable or relieved, especially after being relieved of distress.

I’ve already invested in several sweatsuits. According to all the hip, fashion bloggers joggers will be all the rage this year.

Sweatsuit from Joah Brown. Her head fell off after seeing the price tag for half a shirt.

Freedom from constraint or embarrassment.

I think this means toilet paper will be restocked in abundance. Hurrah.

Freedom from activity, work, strain or responsibility.

I’m super excited about getting fired and evicted. It’s really gonna free up my schedule.

Move gently or carefully.

The closer I get to 50 the more this becomes less of a choice. I pulled a muscle drying my hair this week. Granted, my hair constitutes half of my total body weight, but still.

Lessen pain or discomfort; alleviate.

After getting vaccinated and winning the lottery, I’m committing to weekly deep tissue massages, or sneaking into the neighbors hot tub.

Make easier.

Soylent Green. Eating disorder solved.


Yes I AM.

Feel free to join me.

Happy, super chill, New Year!



In other news, I made an entire book trailer and author interview video! I even figured out how to get it off my phone onto the www. It took most of the week but I’m really excited. Next step: Enter with ease!

What’s your goal, mantra, resolution, hope or intention this year?

13 thoughts on “e’s

  1. G’mornin’. I’ve been thinking of the new year. People do a lot of running these days. I thought just yesterday that with the online dating I’ve been attempting, there are a huge number of women who put going to the gym, working out as their favorite things in the world. Personally, I live on a pedestrian thoroughfare and see a lot of runners, more women than men these days. Many of them are fit and physically amazing. I couldn’t help feel envious that I never got into it, running. Oh, I tried for a few years. But I never felt the “love.” A good friend of mine is a runner. Recently we were out for a walk and I asked him if he had recovered from some joint or ligament issue that he’d been doing therapy for, a running issue. He told me that if it’s not one thing, it’s another. He runs a lot. You’d think he’d be physically balanced. Considering another angle, I asked if he felt stress. Given that he’s a bureau chief on the state level, one of the highest non appointed positions, I assumed that there would be some anxiety. Sure enough, as cool, funny, bright, and conversational as he is, he’s wrought with stress. Yes, more than wrought, pretty damn wrought. I suggested that it was the root of his physical problems. He thought for a moment and commented on a friend who retired, saying that it took at least a year to release tensions that he didn’t even know that he had. It sounds like it was a painful year for his friend. I wonder, too, about trauma. You mentioned it. I listened to a few lectures from Gabor Mate, who studies addictions and how they all relate to childhood trauma. I wonder how many of us hold onto trauma without realizing it, because it’s what’s expected of us. For whatever reason, we are often not allowed to address our anxieties. Our anxieties are often not accepted or recognized by others. I’ve had someone I care about say, “Get over it.” Year after year, hearing these kinds of things make an impression. It’s no wonder that so many turn to addiction. Two of the women I dated over the past year had plans on setting up addiction clinics all across the world, doing much of the therapy work online. Another was a phd teaching emotional intelligence in business. (BTW, the problem with dating women with aspirations is that they probably won’t have time for relationships. Excited conversations whittle away over time until silence, another symptom of the evolution of modern communication.) I think I must have had a lot of suppression growing up. My parents were good people. Recently, though, I have been considering some key points in their growth when they might have been too reliant on the opinions of others, mainly a misguided parent. From the perspective of their reality, there are certain things in life that are useless to pursue, some feelings, some resolutions. I’ve got to return to Mate’s work to build some strategies for recovering my life. Recovering involves unwinding my addictions in order to reset my personal perspectives, maybe for the first time in my life! (Though, I’m certain there were times in life when I didn’t have addictions.) A strong turn for me was a year ago when I was studying methods of suicide. When I found the perfect recipe, I decided to alter my tack, not because I changed my mind but because I found something that I could use next time. On the other side, I stood up for the first time in awhile and decided to improve myself or my attitude. I think it went like this: “Alright. I’ve got my way out. I’m giving myself one last try to get things fixed. If it doesn’t work, I’ve got a way out.” That’s how it goes. Within months, I was in therapy for the first time in my life. But I need to back up a step. I’d worked something I called my dream job. Though I’d had a career that fell apart after twenty years, I picked up odd jobs off and on for another ten. Five of those years, I delivered car parts as a subcontractor for a local franchise. The last year and a half I was there, the company was run by new ownership. The owner took direct management the last year I worked there. He was a very toxic and confused person. I did my best to be a positive influence while supporting the team. But it was horrible. One of two jobs I had at the time, I got laid off because of the pandemic. Business had slowed. What a relief! I applied for funding. In the two months of waiting for aid, I got some money from a friend, from inheritance given to him from the passing of his dad the previous year. Wow! It kept me alive. When the government aid came in, it was retroactive from my initial application. My bank account was fat, compared to what I normally had. That’s when I got a text from my former contract asking if I wanted to return. I declined. As much as I needed the money, I was not interested in trading my sanity for a paycheck, something that I think my parents both did. This is my lesson, for me. I didn’t suffer because I knew it was the right thing. I put faith in the Universe, knowing that the comfort I got from knowing I’d be cared for was like medicine for the work that I would need to do to support myself. It’s like taking medication AND following through with physical therapy. That’s when I started online dating again, not because I was healthy and well adjusted. It’s was because I needed to learn how to be with people. Reading profiles, thinking, starting conversations were all means and goals to educating myself to integrate into society. My addictions haven’t diminished. But I know they must be replaced in order to advance. I have a local charity bookmarked and am ready for volunteering. It’s a simple thing usually reserved for rich people, volunteering I mean. But it’s a way of being on a team again, something I miss. Our society accepts addiction, maybe over addressing trauma. It’s easier. I see some people’s efforts to be super fit as an addiction. Maybe trends in general are societies acceptable means to distract us from addressing our own slipped footing, giving us a crutch to muddle through lives that demand direction. Maybe?

    Liked by 1 person

    • We don’t simply “get over” the experiences and consequences of things that made us feel separated from love. Healing requires expression, as opposed to suppression, and for our expressions to be met with compassion, understanding and corrective emotional experiences.
      I’m glad you decided to stick around and keep pursuing life. ❤️
      Dealing with past trauma is a relatively new concept. Older generations were encouraged to ‘suck it up’ and stay silent. It’s harder for our parents and grandparents to talk about unspeakable things because they had no outlets or resources for tending to trauma. I’ve watched videos of footage from therapy sessions in the 50’s and my jaw drops; the victim was blamed for everything. People were expected to play very specific and limited roles in society. It’s so sad.
      Fortunately, today we have a lot more options for healing that are increasingly accessible to more people. It makes me feel hopeful.
      Hurrah for choosing not to trade your sanity for a paycheck. 😁
      Like Gabor, I believe the root of all addiction, whether it’s behavioral addiction (like gambling, eating or exercise), or neurobiological addiction (like gambling, eating or exercise-yes, they can be both, either, or) addictions are just attempts to fill the hole where love should be. No shame in that. We’re just trying to regulate.
      The goal is finding ways to regulate while doing the least harm to ourselves or others.
      If we do all things with love, anything is possible.
      Happy new year Brand.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. You are hilariously realistic to me.
    Anywho, my goals have been the same since 2017, and that is to realize the following:
    Anything is possible.
    What you see is a manifestation of your thoughts, beliefs, and emotions.
    Take nothing personally.
    Be positive (but don’t mistake this for toxic positivity).
    Follow your instinct.

    *Said to myself every morning ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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